What to Read…in Synagogue

18 Sep

When my dad first sent me a link to this story, I thought, “Hmmm…is he trying to tell me something?” Eh hem.

Let’s be real, you’re not a very good Jew. Madonna speaks better Hebrew than you. You have no idea why the Jewish calendar year is 5771. You feast on swine, you date goyim, you haven’t been to synagogue since the mid-5760s. When you planned your vacation, Israel didn’t even make the shortlist. If people still worshipped idols of the pagan god Baal, you’d totally be waiting in line for tickets, with your hair styled like Baal’s and a matching Baal T-shirt.

Touche. But I do not feast on swine.

Let’s just say that I have always made it a point to bring reading materials to synagogue with me  – and I don’t mean portable copies of the Torah. How else does one get through the long services, sung mostly in Hebrew?

Especially in those early years, before my bat mitzvah, where I was, like, legally required to attend synagogue every week. If only I had seen this list then. The books I once tucked into my purse – and then into my prayer book – looked more like this:

See Dad? It could have been much, much worse. At least I wasn’t reading Daphne Merkin in synagogue. Sheesh.

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